Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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