So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
