I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
