whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
