how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
