The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
