grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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