It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
