he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
