Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
