She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
