I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
