I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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