I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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