i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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