She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just got carded by a ten year old.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
