your thong is hanging out like whoa
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
