its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
