No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
