dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
