I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize