CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
