i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
