So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize