peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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