Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
