They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You left your underwear on the fireplace
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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