Your mouth is God's brothel.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
