funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
