Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
