Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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