haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
