STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
