I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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