New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
