don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
