Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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