if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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