So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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