Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
