WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
