And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
