Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
