So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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