We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
