I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
