I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
did you just send me my own nude
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
