Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
