Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
