At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
