Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
