The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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