so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
