I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Randomize
