she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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