I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
