Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
