just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
