Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
