he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
