Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
