What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
