he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize