I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize