I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
