oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
