So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
