I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
50% drunk capacity currently
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize