It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
