I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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