I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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